A hundred no’s

Many years ago, there was a movie that came out called “Yes Man” starring Jim Carrey and the name foretells the entire movie. Jim Carrey’s character must say yes to everything no matter how costly or absurd. For most of my life I’ve been “Yes Woman.” I thought if I responded with a “no” that the person asking the question would feel badly towards me or worse…I would hurt their feelings.

A few years ago, I came to a breaking point. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed because it’s part of my story and God heals broken pieces so beautifully. I was just getting into my real estate career, trying to homeschool my kids, being on staff at church, managing my home, mentoring and I had just begun to feel the tug on my heart to become a foster parent. Is your heart racing a bit? Yeah, mine did too. So much so that I began to experience multiple health problems including heart palpitations which landed me in the care of a cardiologist. I spent the majority of a year in and out of doctor’s offices. I am still dealing with the repercussions of it today and closely have to monitor my heart. My stress level was off the charts and it took the boldness of a dear friend to tell me that I was slowly killing myself. It’s true…I was. I had too many irons in the fire and it was sucking the very life from me.

What I’ve learned is this: if you are spread too thin, you cannot give 100% to anything. You cannot be at your best and often those closest to you are the ones that suffer with you because of it. What is the solution? That same friend gave me permission to say no. It sounds odd, “gave me permission.” But I had waited my whole life for someone to tell me it’s okay to say no.

If you have children or you’ve been around children, you know that after “Dada” the word “no” is usually the word of choice. My toddler learned the head motion long before the word and I’ve been getting the “no” response for most of her life! There’s an ease and confidence even in a little one in their knowledge of what they want and what they don’t want. Somewhere along the way, I lost that.

Maybe at the crossroads of adolescence to adulthood, I became more concerned with what others would think or feel. At times, I neglected and sometimes have been abusive to myself. I’ve caused the chaos by not evaluating what I can and can’t handle or what I simply don’t want to be involved with.

My Pastor says, “It takes a hundred no’s for that one God-yes.” Good gravy! If I could learn to live by this mantra, life would be easier. There would be room to breathe! I’m being completely honest, I am not fully there yet. Even after the health scare and eliminating some things from my plate; it’s still hard to say no. Sometimes I have to say, “let me think about it” or “not right now” when I know in my heart the answer should’ve been an immediate, solid no.

It’s a journey. If you’re there with me, let me encourage you. It takes time to process the idea that you can’t say “yes” to everything and that people may be disappointed with your answer. But at the end of the day, you are protecting yourself. You are guarding your heart. You know your limits and when you’re not optimally functioning. There’s freedom in saying no. If you need permission, then here it is…it’s okay to say no. If someone gets upset with you, that’s okay too. As my Grandma would say, “they’ll get glad in the same pants they got mad in.” That’s true! Friends, if you can’t do it…if the matter does not captivate your heart…if you’re not at your best to do it…say no.

Hey Girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose for a purpose and for such a time as this. Love you all! Until next week…