Author: Lesley Grimes

I’ve been on an unexpected, year long break. I am learning that life is continually full of surprises. My type A personality and need of being in control had to completely bow to the waves of the unexpected in this last year. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve emerged from the water’s depth completely new. My perspective is fresh. My heart has been broken, stripped and remade once more. My resolve is strong and laser-focused. For the first time in a year, I am ready to share with you the details of the interlude.

One morning in late March 2022, I received an urgent call about a 3 month old baby that needed a foster home immediately. Within 20 minutes, I was answering the door, still in my pajamas, welcoming a little angel into my home. She was fast asleep when the child services worker brought her to me. As badly as I wanted to hold her, I left her in the carrier to sleep. I sat in a nearby chair, not blinking until she awoke. She opened her eyes and smiled so sweetly at me as if she knew who I was. My heart was a puddle and thus began a 4 month adventure with baby T, one of my sweetest and most precious treasures.

Life with a new baby requires some flexibility and around the clock attention to this tiny human. Baby T had me 24/7. I gladly carried her around with me as I attended to daily life. Anywhere I went, Baby T was either in my arms or within arms reach. I knew early on that her story would be of reunification so I was determined to make the most of every minute with her. Fostering is both beautiful and brutal at the same time. It’s impossible not to give away your heart completely to these children and that means it will be impossible not to see the story through without getting it broken. But I’ll say it as long as I live, T and all the ones before her were worth every shattered piece of my heart and every river of tears I’ve cried. And in that knowledge, I decided it was time for an interlude from my own ambitions.

I am a millennial…just barely squeaked in on that one, but I am a millennial. As is true with my generation, we tend to want it all, when we want it and on our terms. Life is a buffet and we like to throw a little bit of everything on the plate. Well, last year my plate was full to the brim. I was actively pursuing many dreams and on my own terms. NOTHING is wrong with dreaming and having vision for yourself. You should dream big! I can promise you, you will not out-dream God’s plans for you! However, too much of something by definition is indulgence and that can be very unhealthy. For the sake of my mental and physical health, I put away my writing and musical aspirations. I chose to throw myself fully into mentorship and mothering instead. Exactly one month into my dreaming interlude, God began to speak to me about a grand adventure He was inviting me to.

In April 2022, there was a change that happened in my family seemingly over night. It was an awareness that God was preparing our hearts for something huge!! We felt that it would involve moving and sure enough in May, after much prayer, God confirmed to us that we were indeed moving to Austin, TX to help launch a church. When I say moving was not on my radar…it was probably not even floating around on the “what-if’s” rolodex of my brain! I had been living a comfortable life, in my dream house, with life long friends right next door. On top of that, we were committed to parent baby T through to reunification. The interlude was more than a break from personal dreams, it created a space for God to birth His dream in me.

I’ve lived my life in surrender to what God wants to do and until this point it had always felt like a sphere of grace on what I was choosing. His favor has been upon me. I am eternally grateful for it. But last spring was different. Just like new life beautifully emerges from the ground every spring, there was something the Lord was inviting my family to that was new and beautiful. Something unlike anything we’d ever done and something more grand than we could fathom. It felt like a new road was being carved before us and we had the rare opportunity to be the first footprints on fresh soil. So, my thoughts for myself, my ambitions, my 5 year plan…all of it got shelved so that I could say yes to the invitation truly with my whole heart.

In July amidst packing and preparing for moving states, my case worker called. Baby T would go home the next day. I held her little hand that night long after she’d fallen asleep. I stroked her tiny ringlets and tried so hard not to let my tears fall on her face. She smiled as she slept. I’ve often wondered what she dreamt about. It was clear that she was peaceful and content without a care in the world. I could feel the presence of the Lord like a soft blanket all around me. It’s as if He was holding my hand and stroking my hair and soothing my heart. His strength was there with me to finish the chapter. T will always be one of my girls. My husband’s grandma told me years ago, “you will be a mother to many.” She was definitely speaking prophetically because I have mothered many…and my guess is, I’m not done yet!

On September 24, 2022 I closed the door to my dream house, uncontrollably sobbing, hugged my family and friends one more time then got in line of a 4 car caravan in route to Austin. We pulled into Travis county just after 6 p.m. that day and life since then has been a nonstop adventure!! I can honestly say, I wouldn’t trade these moments! My heart is bursting with humility and gratitude everyday that God presented such a valuable and esteemed invitation to me. I’ll have forever to thank Him and you can be sure I’ll be singing my heart out!! James 1:17 says that: “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” This is so very true! He has given me good and perfect gifts. These moments over the last year are moments that I could not have dreamed up. They had to come from a surrendered heart and will to what God had in mind. I am writing currently and I believe someday there will be more books. I believe someday there will be more music. The interlude was not a death to my ambitions; it was the birth of God’s dream in my life. He’s a good Father…the best Father!! My passion is to see heaven on earth! It drives me to speak to total strangers. It wakes me in the middle of the night to pray. It causes me to ask that God will not only expand my territory but expand my capacity to truly love people how He does.

I’ll put pen to paper and melody to words at some point but right now my heart is burning. It’s burning to see the lost come to salvation and the broken to be restored. It’s burning to see freedom for the captives and refreshing for the weary. I am not concerned with titles man can bestow on me. I am not interested in achievements of my own ability. I’ve been through a year long remake of me. And today, I am simply: Lesley, God’s girl.

I’ve always been fascinated with the medieval time period. Invitations were delivered by way of a messenger on horseback. Usually it was an oral message that had been memorized unless it was highly important; in which case it would be delivered with a wax sealed envelope, stamped with a signet ring. Imagine the excitement of hearing galloping hooves in the distance and then the quiet. There’s no formal announcement of who is at the door and there is no verbal message. Instead, to your surprise, you are handed an envelope, wax sealed with the King’s signet stamped onto it!! Last year’s interlude was the quiet. It was the anticipation of a message. I am now living in the yes of answering the King’s invitation… and how grand it is!!

Perhaps you find yourself in an interlude. Perhaps you are in need of one. Lean into it! Embrace it! If He is asking you to press pause for a moment, you can be assured it’s for very sweet and amazing purposes!!

Hey girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose, for a purpose and for such a time as this!

Today my two year old crawled onto my chest, snuggled up, rested her head and said “ah.” It was an exaggerated sigh but it was the sound of relief and comfort from being in her Mama’s arms. I have found myself throughout the week saying “I need to decompress.” I have needed that same kind of relief. But I have not made a stopping point yet.

Last week, my husband’s aunt passed away. This week has been nonstop demanding. My mind is tired. My emotions are drained to numbness and my body aches from lack of rest. Tonight I have nothing scheduled and I fully intend to “crawl” into God’s mighty arms and just breathe.

I have learned that life is truly seasonal. If I am not currently in a storm then I should be resting and preparing because there will be one around the bend. This is not negativity speaking; it’s the truth, plain and simple. Everyone is either coming up on a storm, in the middle of one or on the other side of it. This is the navigation of life. The constant is that Jesus remains the same and in the midst of chaos, He is a firm foundation and peace-speaker.

Recently I had a conversation with a family member about how much I hate the water and I will NEVER go on a cruise. I hate the water because I’m afraid of the immensity of it. I’m afraid of what’s in it. I’m afraid of being sick from the turbulence of it AND I am afraid of drowning in it! I choose to admire the artistry of it from a safe distance! I once got brave and ran into a small wave crashing onto the shore. But that’s the extent of my bravery. I won’t get in the water…no thank you!

The irony of my rather frank statements is that this week I have been in spiritually turbulent waters. Outwardly, I had my game face on. Inwardly, I have felt the life being sucked from me. I’ve been attacked from an arsenal of weaponry that I never suspected even existed. I may have been tossed around a bit. I may have been knocked under the water for a moment. But once again, the supernatural strength of Jesus was magnified in my weakness.

As I write this, I’ve wondered what was it that initially threw me off balance and “overboard.” Looking back, it was a million, little petty things that hit all at once. It was a downpour of problematic distractions that pelted me. Then in my dazed state, a wave of grief hit and down I went.

This is a go-to tactic of the enemy and if I had my spiritual eyes wide open, I would have seen it coming. But in my already weakened state, I missed the red flags. This is where grace comes in. God’s grace is the divine influence upon one’s heart and its reflection in one’s life. I did nothing to deserve an SOS response. I did nothing worthy of divine rescue of my heart. Yet, the richness and fullness of God’s infinite love and mercy kept me afloat and carried me on to safety.

Now I am going to rest. I’m going to turn off my phone, find a blanket, ask God to meet me in my rest and just breathe. My dear friend calls this a “love shower.” She says that in moments of chaos, we can simply extend our hands as if to receive a gift and ask God to shower us in His love. He is so faithful to do it too! I need to rest in His love. I need to recharge in His presence. I need to find my bearings again in the strength of His capable hands. So here I go…love shower time!

If you’ve been tossed around and feel depleted…if you feel like you’re fighting to stay ahead of the next blow…it’s time to crawl into God’s arms and rest for a moment. Unplug. Reset. Recharge. Open your hands and let Him shower His love upon you.

Hey girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose, for a purpose and for such a time as this! Until next week…

I originally wrote this 6 months ago in the rawness of recovery. Since then, I have said good bye to loved ones. I have held friends as they have walked through the unspeakable and in just a few days time of this being published, I will say good bye once more to a dear family member. If you are in any way experiencing a valley…dear one, I pray this encourages your heart.

Psalm 23 says: “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely Your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Many are living in a Psalm 23 moment now. My family and I recently made the pilgrimage and we are now on the other side of it. Nothing in my life could’ve prepared me for the journey. We were thrown into it with such force that only Jesus could navigate it. I have never relied more on His supernatural strength. I have never been more grateful for it than I am now.

When David wrote Psalm 23, he most likely was referring to an actual valley called “Wadi Qelt” located in Jerusalem. In biblical days, many would have passed through this valley to get from Jericho to Jerusalem. The traveler would have faced thieves, predatory animals and rugged terrain. In Hebrew the valley is known as “Salmawet” which translates to “dark shadow.” It was also a known place for child sacrifice. Clearly this valley was an eerie and daunting path to have to take.

Many theologians believe that the original form of “hell” comes from the name of this valley. So when I say our family walked through hell…it’s not metaphorical for me. We did. We walked through the deep. We were immersed in pain so thick at times it immobilized me and made it hard to even breathe.

What’s interesting to me is that Jesus most likely walked this same path through Wadi Qelt prior to His crucifixion. He was probably familiar with it. So for Him to willingly go into a valley of darkness time and time again with His children is yet another astounding act of His unfathomable love for us and His continual fulfillment of His promise that He will never leave or forsake us. I was never alone or abandoned.

David wrote that “through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil for You are with me.” I believe he meant the presence of an almighty, unwavering, unshakeable God was shepherding him through the darkness. In the midst of present danger that would undeniably try to rob David of joy, peace, hope even his life, the good shepherd prepared a table of all that David would need.

I picture in the middle of this canyon, in the darkest place, where thieves would lurk, God rolls out a red carpet. It leads to a beautiful banqueting table, full of the best of the best. Then the voice that spoke stars into existence says “Come on David…let’s dine.” It makes no sense to the person watching this scenario unfold. I mean wouldn’t you just wanna run as fast as you could out of there? But to the person making the pilgrimage through the valley…it’s everything.

It’s the break that was needed. It’s the intermission that causes refreshment. It’s God saying “Time out. You are weary. Partake in anything and everything you need from me in this moment and do so with joy because you are seated at my table. In my presence, at my table, nothing can touch you.” It’s also the bewilderment of the enemy crouched behind the rocks as he tries to move but is paralyzed. It’s the softness of a blanket underneath your feet when it should be rocks that pierce and cause your feet to stumble. It’s the presence of a very good Father!

Here is my family’s Psalm 23. We made the journey in August 2021. We walked hand in hand with Jesus and an army of warriors who marched behind us, watching our every step, shields raised and refusing to let us give up. They girded us up with their faith and with the word of God. Then the shadow lifted and light shown in the distance and the darkest desolation was dissolved and we had made it.

According to Romans 8:28, God will work all things for good and I believe He will not waste the countless tears that were shed nor the screaming into the night for an ounce of relief. He will use this. I pray it stirs your faith. In August my sweet husband came down with Covid-19. He was doing well fighting it at home then one morning his oxygen drastically dropped and he was rushed to the emergency room where he was immediately admitted to the hospital.

I went to war that very second! I was exhausted on every level as I had been caring for him at home and not sleeping so I called our closest friends and began the prayer chain. We had hundreds praying! My dearest friends held nightly zoom prayer meetings every night while my husband was in the hospital. It was both encouraging and humbling for someone to lift my family up in the midnight hour. The amount of gratitude I have for these people is immeasurable. Side note: If you don’t have a church home, find one! I can’t imagine having had to walk this out without my church family.

A few days into my husband’s stay proved to be the worst. One morning he began to gasp for air and I was told later that it was a very scary moment for him and the God-send nurses and doctors that rushed to his aid. Thankfully from there, his condition improved. It wasn’t always a steady climb. There were dips and moments of me thinking “what the heck is going on?” At home, I paced the floor of my bedroom begging and pleading with God…I went into my closet to weep aloud so that my children would not hear my anguish. I felt isolated and helpless. I rarely slept and forgot to eat. My mission was simply to war for my husband and to get him back home.

After what felt like an eternity, I got the call that he was well enough to be released. I waited for him in the hospital parking lot that afternoon and my heart has never raced so fast! I could hardly stand the wait…then I saw him from the corner being wheeled out to me. I got out of my car and began to sob uncontrollably. There he was…my miracle! He came home twenty pounds lighter, muscles atrophied and on oxygen but incredibly grateful…humor and stubborness 100% intact!! The experience has been life changing. My heart has ached in new ways and expanded in new ways. I now have battle scars but they are a beautiful reminder of Jesus and the ones that walked into the deep with me and my family.

For the few that heard my sobs of panic…for the ones that willingly chose to walk through hell with me…for the ones that refused to let me stand alone…for the ones that never condemned my fear or belittled the situation, you all are the most beautiful representation of what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Thank you for the food. Thank you for the scriptures to stand on. Thank you for speaking life over my family when I was too distraught to even speak. Thank you for driving to the hospital parking lot and praying. Thank you for calling to encourage my children. If I live to be a hundred, I will never forget your generosity. I love you.

Jesus is my shepherd, my ultimate savior, unwavering, mighty warrior and my closest friend. He wouldn’t let me stay in the dark. He wouldn’t leave my side. He is my champion. He led me to a banqueting table. He refreshed my weary soul.

Friends, you are NEVER alone…even in the deepest, darkest valleys. There is an invitation to the table for you too. You can take whatever you need for the journey…and the abundance of God’s goodness doesn’t stop there. He promises to make the journey with you. If your pilgrimage didn’t turn out the way you thought it would, God is still there in your disappointment. He is big enough and capable enough to take the frustration, anger and “what if’s.” Despite what you’ve been told, He is not shaking His fist at you when you shake yours at Him. He is wrapping His arms around you to console and to heal what no one else can. He remains the good shepherd. Be encouraged friends. He is with you in your valley and He will NEVER leave your side.

Hey girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose, for a purpose and for such a time as this! Until next week…

I have officially entered the realm of toddler world where the mantra is “Mine and No!” The rules are as follows:

1. Put up a fight at bedtime
2. Climb out of all “containment units”
3. Open every drawer and door
4. Maintain the highest level of energy from sun up to sun down
5. Keep the adults on their toes
6. If you want it, take it!

This is my life 24/7. I’ve now invested in a tent-canopy for babies; designed to keep brilliant babies (like mine) from crawling out of their cribs. I also have to use a padlock on the door now. Forget the days of running on a treadmill. I now run after my child and that’s my cardio!

There’s an age gap between my second youngest and my toddler. I’ve had many years to forget just how intense it can be trying to keep up with a two year old blazing ball of energy! Have you seen “The Incredibles” movie? Remember Jack-Jack?…yeah that’s my girl 100%!! She has endless energy and my morning coffee doesn’t stand a chance next to her supply of “get up and go!” I’m trying though. I am staying in the game! She is so much fun! Most days I’m giggling over what she just did or out of sheer joy that I have this season to repeat once more.

This morning as I played referee for her and my ten year old daughter, I received an epiphany. My toddler had taken the remote from my older daughter and said “mine!” When her sister tried to take it away from her she shouted “no!” These are quickly becoming her favorite words! As I corrected her, I was thinking about “mine” and “no” and how she effortlessly says them with such confidence.

I am gradually learning to be okay with saying no. For years I lived in bondage of having to say yes to everything out of fear that I would hurt someone if I didn’t. The word no definitely has a place in my life now. However I have a real problem with the word “mine.” It has long been drilled into my brain that “mine” equates to selfishness or stinginess…both of which I can’t stand. So, I’ve tried hard to steer completely away from anything that would qualify me as selfish. In the extremity of that thought process, I’ve been negligent towards myself. I’ve bypassed many wants and needs simply because I believed a lie that I was being selfish. I’ve missed out on many blessings and it took one of my biggest, God-sent blessings to turn the light bulb on for me! As I’ve said before, I learn lessons with my kiddos and today is no exception.

So where does the boundary of “desire” end and “selfishness” begin? I think, as is the case with most things, it is entirely a heart issue. This is the gauge in deciding “should I do it?” If the factors involved will not tarnish, diminish or skew the humility and good intentions of my heart then there’s a green light to say “mine.” If there’s a chance that the desire would create haughtiness within my heart or would somehow negatively affect someone I love, then it’s clear that I should not buy it or label it as mine.

This is my promise to myself: I will not beat myself up when I receive a gift. I will not change my mind last minute and put things back at the cash register because I’ve talked myself out of it. If I have a “green light” I will NOT allow guilt to creep in and steal my joy when I purchase something for myself. Anyone else need to make this promise to yourself too?

I have learned a valuable lesson today from my genius toddler! Mine and no are not bad words! Saying no is freeing and something I’m learning to embrace. Saying mine can actually be a healthy principle to learn…sometimes it means self-care.

Hey girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose, for a purpose and for such a time as this. Until next week…

God has not given me a preeminent platform by which to reach the masses. However, He has granted me the gift of reaching one at a time. I am grateful for what He sees fit in my life. I am grateful for the one.

A year ago, a sweet young woman came into my life. She was scared, completely lost, orphaned in every sense of the word and untrusting of any form of solace. She had my heart immediately and the mama in me wanted so desperately to just scoop her up and hold her but the Jesus in me said “wait.” That’s right, the most compassionate person that ever was or will ever be said to wait. Instead, I had to love her from a distance.

I prayed for her, as I still do. At every opportunity, I initiated small talk hoping that she would begin to open up…hoping that I would gain her trust. I asked Jesus to shine big in me! I was determined to win her over and at some point be a mother figure for her.

It’s been baby steps…slow and steady progress…AND this week I got the break through I’ve been praying for! Let me boast of the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness for a minute. Psalm 139:13 says “For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.” God knows everything about this girl…every detail. He hasn’t missed a single tear either…He knew that my girl was scared and scarred. He knew that she had constructed a massive wall around her heart that took years to create. That wall would have to be dismantled slowly. In my zeal and compassion, I would have been an enemy trying to slingshot my way over…it would’ve ended badly. But God LOVES her!! That’s why I didn’t get the green light right away. Instead, I became intercessor before I could become friend.

This week I threw a surprise birthday party for her. She was so happy…genuinely happy; the kind of happy that brings tears to this mama’s eyes and overflowing joy to my heart. She laughed a lot and was like a kid without a care in the world. When I took her home, she gave me a big hug and rested her head on my shoulder. My heart was bursting. I was finally able to hold this girl and love her like she deserves to be loved. Today I texted her to check on her and ended my text with “love you!” And she quickly responded with “love you too.” She finally has a place where she belongs. She’s not an orphan anymore.

Jesus gets the glory! This is 100% His beautiful and perfect plan unfolding! Once again, He leaves me in awe and so humbled that He would include me in the story. I don’t have a platform to reach the masses. I’d love to see the world as God intended for it to be…with no broken hearts and the word “orphan” no longer exists but I am one person. So, I walk with my eyes, hands and heart open awaiting the next opportunity.

I’ve noticed that this is often how the story goes. I think it’s because God loves the intimacy of sharing your heart and time with the one…just how He’d always go after the one…He’s fully invested in the one, setting the example for me. One person can change the course of one person’s life and so on… It really is a domino effect and some glorious day when we all gather on Heaven’s shores, there will be one after one after one that line up farther than the eye can see because God’s children heard the call to go after the one and Heaven will be filled with those precious ones.

Friends, you may not be an “influencer.” But on some level, you are influencing someone. You’re words and actions are taking root in someone’s heart. One by one, YOU are making a difference. Be brave and keep looking for opportunities. Listen and look for God’s “green light” and when you get it, love like there’s no risk of heart ache. After all, that’s how He loves the one.

I hope you girls have heard my heart in this. I never EVER want to sound braggadocious. This story is delicate and still unfolding. As I said before, I am in complete humility that God allowed me to be in the plan for this young lady’s life. Honestly, it leaves me scratching my head sometimes because I am just your average girl. But I love Jesus with my whole being and I love the people He gave His life for…That includes you precious ladies!! I love you all dearly.

Hey girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose, for a purpose and for such a time as this. Until next week…

Mornings are the longest part of my day. I am not a morning person…not even remotely a morning person! In fact, it’s best not to have an in-depth conversation with me prior to 9 a.m. because I won’t be able to contribute words intelligibly. My morning responses are limited to one syllable words or shrugs, at least until the coffee starts to kick in.

There’s a general understanding in my house that I can’t function well as soon as I wake up. However on those days that I have to hit the ground running, there’s a blanket of grace for me and I’m grateful for it! Most days, I have to push through the brain fog and try to make those first few hours productive. Today, my ten year old walked past me a few times as I sat at the dining room table, coffee in hand, staring at the wall like a weirdo. She must have given up that I would ask why she kept coming through the dining room, so she sweetly hugged me and said “breakfast.” I have to say that I attend to my children’s needs and wants. I had fully intended to get started on breakfast within five minutes of her pulling me into reality. She would not have missed cinnamon rolls! Trust me.

I explained to her that I have to “process” just like a computer every morning. I often make a to-do list while I drink my coffee. I need a game plan for the day. I process what things will get my “yes” and what will get a “no.” I pray and ask for direction. I process. I may look like a zombie but it’s actually a healthy habit for me to get my ducks in a row, think about the day ahead and gear up mentally.

Does it ever go as planned? Sometimes…but the important thing for me is that I’ve gone before the Lord in prayer. I’ve included Him in my game plan and I feel better equipped for what usually turns out to be a beautifully, crazy day. I feel secure and confident as I am processing Heaven’s strategies and my thoughts are being aligned with His. God’s mercies are new every morning and that is certainly true for me! I receive a new measure of strength and grace everyday. Lord knows that most days I need that greater measure of both!

Let me encourage you today that processing is crucial. Take some time to think the day through. To-do lists are not an indication of micromanagement and being still (which sometimes looks like “lights are on but no one is home”) is HEALTHY for your mind and your heart! God is all about intentionality. So be intentional in how your day needs to look. I have the obvious list of everyday tasks that will always be there, but I invite God to interrupt my thoughts and throw in what He would like to accomplish too. This is how I measure what productivity looks like. At the end of the day, check marks next to my mile-long list makes me ever so happy but knowing I included God in it brings a lot of peace to my heart. So spend some time processing. Plan your day…or if you’re a Type A personality…plan your year! But invite God to coffee time too. Your plan is great. His plan is beautiful.

Hey girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose, for a purpose and for such a time as this. Until next week…

This blog post was inspired by my dear friend, Kelli. She said “What makes a home is the people.” This rings true to me on a spiritual and physical level.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about Matthew 6:20: “But store up for yourselves treasure in Heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” My focus is always to not be too caught up in materialistic things because I know, in the end, none of it matters. Instead, I’ve shifted my sight on eternal things. The Lord has been showing me over and over again that “treasures” are people. In fact, I refer to my friends and family as my treasures because they truly are! Everyday is an opportunity to discover new treasure.

For me, this often comes in the form of being a foster parent or recognizing the disparity in another mom and being able to champion her. In this season of my life, these are my bonus treasures. But I’m continually walking with my “spiritual glasses” on so that I don’t miss the chance to gain a friend or become a champion for someone. If I can share the love of Jesus with just one, I’m adding to the bounty of Heaven! It’s not for my glorification by any means…it’s to fill Heaven with the most precious commodity…God’s beloved.

The desire is Heaven reflected on Earth. I joke that I was born a Texan; I’ll always be a Texan and I’d love nothing more than to book it out of the desert and head back to the hills that I love so much. While I do love where I came from, I KNOW that God has called me to this place. I know it in the depths of my being. I’m not a fan of the scenery…but the people…my goodness the precious people make this place home. If ever I were to leave this place, it would undoubtedly be at God’s prompting and not my own accord.

Some will be called to other countries and will constantly be on the move with the gospel! I greatly admire and respect those people. For me however, “home” has more permanency…at least until I cross over Heaven’s shores. Here, in the desert of New Mexico is where God has planted my feet and burdened my heart. Here, is where I see not just a mission field but a harvest and I’m honored to pour out to these people.

I am sitting at my dining room table as I write this, with my four God-sent treasures running about, in the white-stuccoed house I’ve loved since I first laid eyes on it. I’m living in a neighborhood where the neighbors are more like family, in a community filled with all walks of life and beautiful cultures…AND I get to call this place home. I get to mirror Jesus to a community that I love so much. I am grateful for these treasures.

I felt strongly as I wrote this that someone has questioned what “home” means or where home should be. I would say to think of the ones you love most and where the opportunity is to grow your “treasury.” Like my sweet and wise friend Kelli said, “What makes a home is the people.”

Hey girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose, for a purpose and for such a time as this. Until next week…

Champion (verb)- to support the cause of, to defend.

Here’s something that only my husband has been aware of until now. I use to avoid (at all costs) being around other women especially at events because about twenty years ago, I let one bad apple ruin the whole bunch for me. I endured several instances of hateful, catty behavior that led to a severe tongue-lashing of the most awful and unnecessary word vomit I had ever experienced. It was well stated that my mere existence was not welcome or tolerated. This vile encounter set the stage for the next two decades of burrowing myself into a very deep hole that I am just now crawling out of.

Surprised? I have worked VERY HARD as a person in ministry to push myself outside of my comfort zone and familiarity. The road to this point has looked like, a smile to test the waters (are you friend or foe?) then a brief “how are you?” and maybe a hug. These are my baby steps to trusting again and I am proud of them! One step after another and now I have female friends again… true friends that I love dearly and I know that it’s reciprocated. I will testify to you that it hasn’t been in my own strength but this healing has been a process of much prayer and God opening my eyes to see people how He sees them.

A bully isn’t born with the traits of a bully. That person LEARNS over time by example and through trauma of how to survive. Often that looks like causing misery and chaos for someone else as a means of distraction from their own pain. It can be a defense mechanism: “I’ll hurt you before you get the chance to hurt me.” Life has taught them not to trust. How very sad…

Anytime my children have dealt with someone like this, I’ve said to them that there is something more deeply rooted than that person “picking” on them. So we pray for that individual and whatever it is that’s hurting them and causing them to feel the need to hurt others.

I’ve learned a lot by being a mom. Many days I’m learning lessons right there with my kids and finding that I need to take my own advice. Over the years, I’ve prayed for the woman that hurt me. I don’t expect an apology (although it would be welcomed.) I do however hope… sincerely hope that whatever inner pain she felt is now healed.

I don’t want to say it’s in a woman’s nature but for some reason, I have observed (in my time of estrangement) that women can be competitive and catty. There are things being communicated in body language that men have a blind eye to but women can pick up on with the fling of hair. I was born with “Resting B Face Syndrome.” Please don’t ask what the B stands for… you can figure it out. As it turns out, this is a thing! I often tell my friends to not assume that I am in a mood…it’s simply my face relaxed and unfortunately it looks like I am giving a death glare. The subject at hand is NOT relaxed facial muscles. If you unintentionally give a death glare too, I get you! I’m talking about knowingly expressing to the same sex with or without words that she is not appreciated or accepted and her friendship is not wanted.

My goodness, it would be easy to stick with the familiar and to be threatened by someone else, especially if you’re dealing with any insecurities… but there’s power in numbers. I’d rather surround myself with a good group of girls that I know I can call on than be left in the corner by myself. I’ve been by myself for most of my adult life and I’m trying to get back wasted time. My pastor’s wife says “we are better together.” It’s true! We are. God created community and it’s a beautiful thing!

This is my prayer. This is my testimony of where I’ve been and what I’ve learned:

May I always be my sister’s champion. May I always be considerate of her heart. May I always be aware of my own actions and words. May I represent Jesus in the best possible way to her. May I cheer her on. May I lift her up. May I never be threatened or intimidated by her success. May I always be there to hold her hands up whenever she feels the threat of defeat. May I always stand in the gap for her and pray for God’s best in her life without expecting anything in return. May I ALWAYS be my sister’s champion.

Hey girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose, for a purpose and for a such a time as this. Until next week…

Considering the content of last week’s post, I really wanted to give you something more light-hearted in context this week. But as life tends to go, I have found myself in between a rock and a hard place this week. I’m just gonna dive in and we will see where this thing goes.

Let’s talk a teething toddler, end of year school exams, doctors appointments and a pile of laundry bigger than I am. That has been my week in a nutshell. The baby is teething something fierce and I have not slept in two days. I homeschool my kids and their exams were scheduled for yesterday but because my toddler was glued to my hip and completely out of sorts, the exams have been postponed. Today I have a doctor’s appointment I had forgotten about and would really rather not go to. I have not darted the door of the laundry room all week because I haven’t been able to.

Last night I did something I said I’d never do. I went to the grocery store in my pajamas, Tylenol-crusted hair and braless. (Let me explain the crusty hair. My baby spit out Tylenol onto my hair and I did not have time to wash it out before the demands of going to the grocery store hit.) It gets worse. My son’s prom date was at the store and saw me in all my glory. She sweetly smiled and waved from a distance but disbelief was all over her face. Last night was the pinnacle of my “run-down raggedness.” Anybody else ever experience this too?

Right now, however, I am sipping my coffee. My baby is happily eating Fruit Loops. (No judgement please…She.Is.Happy!) The sun is out. The skies are blue and maybe for the next few minutes the house will be quiet. I have a few hours before my appointment so I’m choosing to soak in the silence and the calm. It’s a much needed break from the crazy.

At some point today…or maybe tomorrow, I’ll tackle that laundry pile. As of now, everyone has clean underwear and towels and I am content with that. There are days that urgent matters outweigh my to-do list. There are days that I can’t seem to do anything I’d like to do. My hours are spent meeting demands until suddenly, the day is gone.

I called my sister recently and noticed she was whispering. Curious, I asked why she was whispering. She said she was hiding from her kids, eating a snack in the closet. I totally get that!! Sometimes we need to start a game of “Hide and Seek” and hide really well!…maybe take some chocolate to the hiding spot while we wait to be found. What a great way to regain composure!

Writing this post is my one moment for the day and that’s fine by me. I need these few moments. You need a minute too. I jokingly tell my kids all the time that I am not Super Woman. I have no special powers or abilities. I’m just trying to get through my day like everyone else. But in the “getting through” it’s important to find moments to breathe, smile and then carry on. I know myself. I know the warning signs of “slow down” or “stop!” I know when I am barely getting by. You know yourself too. Don’t wait until you get to “empty” to fill up. Do not deplete yourself or deny yourself the precious gift of time. One minute…it will do wonders. So sneak away, hide in the closet with some chocolate, take a breather then get back to it.

This “minute” is coming to an end because my sweet girl is letting me know she’s done with being in the high chair. Her “Chewbacca” cry is her warning to me that this Mama has had enough of a breather. Friends, taking a little time-out for yourself is not a bad thing. It’s healthy. Take that minute today. Recharge yourself. You’ll be glad you did.

Hey girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose, for a purpose and for such a time as this. Until next week…

I am writing from one of the most vulnerable, raw states of being I’ve been in recently. About an hour ago, our foster child left our home. We took this kiddo only for the night on an emergency basis. But when we say yes to a child, no matter the length of time, that precious one is stitched into the fabric of our hearts.

Right now, I am a mess. Nothing about this situation seems fair or justified or right…nothing. Every detail is horrific. I’ve spent the last 24 hours listening to the story. I’ve had moments of silence and moments of sound advice to give. I’ve been many things over a short span of time: mama, therapist, coach, friend and hopefully, most importantly, I’ve reflected Jesus. Is it enough? Should I have said or done something differently? Will the course of this child’s life change for the better? I am processing right now and asking the hard questions and it sucks.

Foster care is hard on a level that I can’t quite put into words. I asked my husband through manic tears “what is the win here?” He couldn’t answer. We are both desperately searching for answers. When I need clarity, I often find it in “water moments.” I don’t know what it is about water but I tend to hear God when I’m in the shower or washing dishes. I’m exhausted so I chose a bubble bath and guess what?! He’s speaking. I said “God, what is the win in all of this? Why did You call me to something so hard to do?” Completely unthreatened and not a bit surprised by my question He responded “Ministry is hard…look at the pastors…look at the youth pastors.” I thought of my own Pastor. He gives the altar call every Sunday. He gets to see the response. He gets to pray with the people. That’s incredible and probably like a shot of vitamin B for his heart! However, I’m on staff, so I’ve seen what happens when the congregants leave. I’ve seen him battle past snarky, mean-hearted comments and hate-mail. I’ve seen him pray continually for people that have not yet come to know Jesus. He doesn’t throw in the towel. He’s back at it every week. He perseveres through pain. That’s the win.

I looked up the definition of perseverance. It means: steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. Wow!!…despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

Foster care is HARD. I haven’t seen a lot of success by any standard. I stand in the gap alongside my family and with weary hands and sometimes exhausted hearts lift up the broken, past the barrier and onto the next road. We are simply in the middle. That’s all. It hurts…it hurts like the dickens. I weep every time one of these kids leave the sanctuary of my home. I wonder every time if it was the right thing. Every time, I think to myself it will be the last time because I can’t do it. But He’s reminded me to persevere. The win is not “fixing” every broken child. I can’t possibly do that. The win is staying with what God’s called me to even if it requires my brokenness, questions and tears. He can make all things new…even my broken heart. He can work miracles in ways I can’t see and may never know about on this side of eternity. In the perseverance, He’s asked me to trust Him.

That child walked out of my home this evening and most likely, I will never see that sweet face again. It’s a deep pain that isn’t easily tamed. But I won’t give up and I am choosing to trust His plan. I gave her a journal before she left and inside the cover I wrote “You are never alone. God is with you and He has a plan for your life.” I believe what I wrote. Even if I don’t know what it is or how it will turn out…God has a plan.

So, I’m still a foster parent until God says otherwise. I’m going to persevere and trust. I may have to write it on sticky notes all through my house but that’s my plan!

Ladies, if you’re in a difficult season, hang in there! Persevere! God has a plan! Trust Him even when you can’t see through your own tears…trust Him.

Hey girls! Remember you are uniquely made on purpose, for a purpose and for such a time as this. Until next week…